Relationships and Sexuality – We decided to conduct a study to find out what and how single young boys and girls make decisions about love and relationships in the background of changing lifestyles, and how all this affects their mental, physical and social health. It called it 'Youth in Transition '! Before actually starting the research on 'Youth in Transition', we spoke to some of the young people in more detail. Their ideas about relationships and sexual intimacy were understood. Before such research, it is necessary to estimate all sides of the subject, and we encountered many things that we did not adequately estimate.
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The first is that 'being in a relationship' has become the standard of youth. While in a relationship, one starts thinking about whether to continue that relationship, whether to get married or not to live together without marriage. We realized that this thought is being consciously thought of by today's youth. They want to look around beyond the traditional boundaries, to experience it all, whether it's sexual intimacy or being in a relationship without it.
They are able to say that there is no rule that sex and marriage must be related. As has been roughly the norm until now – the equations are changing. New names, new types of relationships are happening. These relationships that do not center on emotional investment or social commitment are called friends with benefits, casual relationships, one-night stands, and these young people understand the meaning very well.
There are many boys and girls who call their partner 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend' and give the name of commitment (committed), but there are also many who don't want to give a specific name and don't want to put any stamp on it. Sometimes they are searching for a name to give to that relationship because they don't want to be bound in a certain framework or traditional definition of the relationship, and sometimes they don't want to give a name to the relationship at all. On the one hand, it is difficult to plan the scope of the relationship in advance. It is relative when and at what age this journey of relationship should start between individuals. However, there were some who started relationships in their teens.
For some, the relationship journey was a series of short-term relationships like stations coming in succession. Some also shared the experience of being in multiple relationships at the same time. There were also some who looked for relationships through social media and dating apps. They were helped by these media to get friends, partners, access to many options and maintain privacy and anonymity of behavior. Understanding these changing trends in relationships young relationships also reveals some dangers. The main thing is that the rate of unprotected sex is very high among all of them.
On the one hand, overall awareness about condom use is increasing, but the awareness that condoms should be used consistently has not changed. There are many reasons why this might happen. There is alcohol abuse, unplanned sex, reluctance to use condoms, but also (blind) belief in the withdrawal method. There is a problem with condoms. You have to go to the store and get them, or else you have to order them directly at home from online stores. Being ashamed of it was also one of the reasons. What's more, there was a surprising reason that we don't believe in condoms. One thing that was strongly felt was that the fear of getting pregnant while having sex was definitely present in the minds of the young. But on the other hand, they did not know enough about sexually transmitted diseases.
Knowing that there are emergency pills to prevent pregnancy leads to the thought and behavior of emphasizing them when the time comes. On the one hand, love, relationships, even close friendship between boys and girls are considered offensive by parents and families. At the same time, many expressed that there is a visible and invisible pressure from the group of friends that everyone must have a relationship with, and this is also causing tension in the minds of those boys and girls.
Observations from this small pilot study highlighted the need to look at the whole life picture of young people together. While the context of the young man's life is changing, he is sure to have many kangaroos! Multiple aspects of life are related to all of them. So we have to see this whole uniform picture in the background of changing reality, we have to interpret it and, if possible, we have to reach beyond it. From all these thoughts, the study 'Youth in Transition' started.
This study was not small. We spoke to as many as 1240 boys and girls, and we keep this simple picture in front of us. From these interviews, on the one hand, the concept of relationships was changing. But on the other hand, there was no change in gender roles. At the same time, it is seen that the concepts of patriarchal attitudes, vaginal sex, fettering women's sexuality, considering her character and purity as the basis, and giving secondary and tertiary status to genders other than men are also present in the minds.
Many also talked about emotional, physical and sexual violence in intimate relationships. The forms of this violence range from gossip, making decisions about who to talk to, what to wear, suspicion, pressure, deception, beatings and coercion for sex - rape is everything. Violence within relationships is not addressed, often ignored, often without even realizing that it is violence.
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The sexual revolution in Europe ran parallel to other political currents, which prioritized individual choices and freedom. But the picture in India is different. Many in the study said that even if the choice of relationship is ours, even if it is what we want, it cannot be furthered by family opposition, caste differences, and family-society opposition, most importantly, accepting that we cannot do what we want. He expressed his regret that, despite having the media at hand to get to know the world closely, he could not take control of his own decisions. The more pressure and dilemma, the more depression and anxiety. This is also evident from the speech of these young women. Many spoke highly of their experiences of psychological distress. Succumbing to family expectations, falling prey to it, and rebelling against it is everywhere.
"Later I have to get married and wash the dishes, now I live my life according to my heart" statement came from them.
They may be confused, but their decisions are accompanied by the vulnerability of surrendering to circumstances. One thing to note is that social media have always made the younger generation irresponsible, but their life decisions have not come from such a shallow attitude. Many complex processes are behind their thinking. Parental-societal fear and discord within the family were talked about enough to make it seem universal. One of the questionnaires in the research was about childhood experiences in the home – family, if any. In it, “Can you talk freely with your family about sex, relationships? And if there is any question or difficulty about it, can you ask someone at home?” That was the question. 75% of the youth answered that it was not at all.
On the other hand, there is an atmosphere of concern and mistrust of the youth in the minds of the parents. Therefore, the sexual health needs of the young people are being neglected. At such a time, everyone needs to listen and understand what these young people are trying to say about relationships. There is a need for them to have opportunities to express themselves, to ask for help in many forums, and, equally, there is a need to prepare parents for communication between parents and children to take place more consciously and openly.
The stories of their journeys in relationships were no less fantastic than any fictional story. Relationships, their experience, their break-ups, what comes next and what surrounds them are not straightforward, monotonous, monotonous.
