She had hardly spoken to anyone in the past two years. Lived alone. During this period, she changed four jobs. It was my fault since he cheated on me. I had no right to live, it was all thought of over. It had been two years since the break-up, but she was still hurting.' We all know that sexuality and mind are closely related. We have experienced it especially since coming of age. Yet sexual health and mental health are often viewed as separate. In fact, although they are not identical, they influence each other.
In the' Youth in Transition' study, we asked all participants whether they had ever felt consistently depressed for at least two weeks or longer, whether it affected all aspects of daily functioning, and whether there were any physical effects or symptoms. Was asked These were questions to understand the difference between being temporarily sad about something, feeling bad, and being depressed. We also talked about whether he had ever harmed himself. The injury could range from self-inflicted physical pain to attempted suicide. We also asked whether these experiences were in any way connected to sexuality. Depression doesn't always have a concrete, identifiable cause. But sometimes it can be rooted in different events. Many events can affect it.
Many of the participants in the studies linked their experiences of depression to their sexuality—relationships, relationship experiences, relationship breakups, experiences of sexual abuse, and yes, even sex art. (Very few heterosexuals other than boys and girls participated in the study, so most of the statistics appear to be about these two segments. But not all of these couples were in heterosexual relationships. Around 10% of couples were also same-sex) In our records, 38% of boys and 67% of girls reported experiencing depression at some point in their lives. Also, 4% of boys and 16% of girls reported having harmed themselves in some way. About 67% of these incidents were somehow linked to their sexuality. These reasons are many and noteworthy.
Most of them cited the breakup with their partner as the reason. Apart from that, violence in relationships, cheating on partners, similar fights, rejection, stress at work and relationships, relationships with family, problems at home and many more. Only 40% of them had ever sought help for depression (counselor, psychiatrist or counselor) but most had never spoken to anyone.
The system of patriarchy has been rooted in society for many years. These unequal positions in relationships are reflected not only in post-marital relationships, but also in pre-marital relationships. It is also coming out from our data. Relationship violence is often caused by feelings of power, control, and possessiveness. Not only that, but often there is no way to know whether it is violence or not. Many people think that violence is just a part of a relationship. Sometimes it is also considered appropriate to behave like a possessive right. But it becomes difficult to know how to cope with such behavior of a partner. Fear of relationship breakdown can lead to tolerance of things like physical abuse. Posters and sayings in the media like 'kids these days change relationships like they change clothes' continue to perpetuate relationships as they are.
In fact, 'breaking up' can be an important and sometimes necessary and mandatory decision in the relationship process. There is no reason to underestimate the reasons for a 'break-up' either. Which cause is important, which is trivial is not for the world to decide. But the views of this world determine the way we look at our relationships. When talking to participants about 'intimate relationship violence', we asked whether you or a partner had ever restricted, controlled, manipulated or cheated on the other person. About 15% said they were restricted.
“All these things were definitely bothering me, but I didn't talk much about it, telling myself that it was bound to happen in a relationship. But looking at each issue now, it is clear that this is also a form of violence which I have never been able to talk about seriously. If I told my friends, they would feel bad about my partner. I didn't want that either. So that was not the way either.” Eki said this time.
Girls reported experiencing more emotional violence compared to boys (62%). In which mainly possessiveness, expressing jealousy and feeling insecure were happening. Many girls also said that there were restrictions on talking to someone of the opposite sex, talking to a certain person, going out with friends, accepting friend requests from certain people on social media, and dressing in certain ways. “My partner would accompany me wherever I go, insist on sharing my password and check all my social media conversations”, recounted such incidents. Although more girls reported this, boys also reported similar experiences.
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Many also reported that relationships broke down due to this method of control. A girl said, “My boyfriend used to come to college every day to keep an eye on me. He made me cut off all my friends. Even with girls! Because he thought they would tell me bad things about him.” Apart from this, violence in the form of talking to one's heart and underestimating was also widely reported by boys and girls. (12%, of which 62% were girls.) “I used to talk about my thickness like he did. He used to run for two hours every day. Used to make fun of my looks. Not only this, he refused to tell us about us at his house. He used to say, 'I will tell about you at home only if you become thin and bright'."
Often, this type of behavior is not considered violence. But this behavior can certainly be emotionally exhausting, extremely damaging to a person's self-image, and can even disrupt a person's daily life. It is violent. Boys and girls also reported a small number (4%) of sexual violence in intimate relationships. Sexual harassment included making sexually stimulating conversations over the phone without consent, sending suggestive messages, repeatedly asking for unwanted physical contact, or attempting to force such contact. This type of behavior was reported more frequently by girls (86%). In the case of girls who experienced sexual violence, there was also a higher prevalence of addictions in the family, physical violence by parents, and conflict between parents.
Boys and girls also reported some physical violence. Aggressive behavior by a partner, such as reaching for an object or hand, are all forms of physical violence. Also, physical harm was also part of this physical violence. An average of 7% reported this form of violence, of which 73% were girls. This picture of violence in relationships is disturbing. This highlights the need to address the issue.
Relationships are an important part of young children's lives. With him, young people are learning about life, growing up, supporting each other in living, creating a world of friendship and love with each other, solving small problems that come with relationships. At the same time, they are questioning traditional meanings of relationships. They fight with them, sometimes openly and sometimes in their hearts, and they are living with the stress that comes with all this. In this, the part of violence in the relationship is more or less.
Despite all this, there are not many places that listen sensitively, take care of their privacy, and help to solve problems. Hence, facing the many stresses and strains of life alone, these young people develop sadness, anxiety, fear, fatigue, anger, vulnerability, restlessness and depression, and are exhausted from constantly fighting with their own minds. It is also a matter of concern in terms of social health. It is natural to have questions, concerns and difficulties about sexuality, reproductive health, decisions and experiences about it.
Information and knowledge about it should reach everyone. To have or not to have a sexual partner, who to have, what gender to have, to marry or not, to have a baby or not, what is acceptable and what is totally unacceptable in relationships, what to call violence, how to deal with it. Everyone should have space to find answers to questions.
The main problem is that we should prepare children for very important issues in life, like relationships, sexuality. This important topic is nowhere in our social structure. In education, communication with parents does not take place seriously. Our relationship education comes mainly from movies and to some extent literature, and sexuality is not considered a topic of intelligent conversation, with a few honorable exceptions. Rethinking our own behavior, changing it if there is any problem, seeking help from others if needed, discussing all topics openly and sensitively with our partner, none of which is spoken to us in the current system, and we are not ready for it.
Actually, this 'education' is important. Although every relationship experience is different and theoretical knowledge learned without experience is not always useful, it is true that it is useful for healthy, happy sexual and mental health and life. Not only that, but it is also our right. So there should be formal and informal spaces for this, and they should be safe. Such places should help people to realize their rights and responsibilities, understand the nature of their problem and solve it by themselves. There should also be medical helpers if there is time. They should not base their opinion on any things like age, married or not, sex.
Sometimes you just need a place to listen to what you have to say. At the end of our two-hour interview, one of the girls said, “It felt good to talk. How long has it been since you talked to someone about yourself? There is no talking to anyone day in and day out.” Many said that they needed someone to talk to.
Even those who rent a room and live alone or with others and sometimes even with families often do not even get to interact with others between college and work hours. Difficulties at work, stress continued, dating would meet someone temporarily, but no one to talk to. It is impossible to talk about most things at home, with family and relatives!
Seeking help for mental and/or sexual health is not yet the norm. Health care or treatment is sought only after a major illness. It is often overlooked that talking about our daily stresses and problems also affects our health. It is often underestimated. But the consequences of not having such help available anywhere are not as simple as they seem. But this stress can often be out of control, it can take a long time to get out of it, and it doesn't necessarily come out of it on its own. In such cases, it is very important to openly ask for help and break the cycle of taboo, mystery and secrecy around mental and sexual health.
